Milo

Me: can you stop pirouetting across the room? @milorichard : I’m not pirouetting, these are piqué turns. So… Ballet classes are working.

“you are a children manager.” - @milorichard , describing my status in the family.

. @milorichard and @felixerrichard expressing their frustration with having to clean, and their love of Joan Jett through interpretive dance.

While discussing bathtime safety: @milorichard - “The bathroom is the most dangerous room in the house.” @felixerrichard - “Unless …

“can you figure skate over there Felix?” - @milorichard , frustrated

. @felixerrichard : who would you rather die, me or @milorichard ? Me: neither FR: you should probably take taekwondo lessons then #goodadvice

“What is that death smell?” @milorichard

Kids read a book of their choice for a few mins before bed. Tonight, @milorichard chose the US Constitution. #nottotallyfuckingupparenting

Tonight @milorichard told me about what he collects… Pokemon cards (ok), cool leafs (aww), teeth (wait, what?), bear claws (how in the..)

. @milorichard on being asked to wear snow pants to go to recess and refusing: “My body, my choice!”

“I accidentally hit him with a bat.” @milorichard , who may not fully appreciate the meaning of accidental.

. @milorichard “it’s basically” @felixerrichard “a battle!” M: “no, a short version of” F: “Mary …

welp. @milorichard wrote a story today about how to cook a tofurkey.

Me: that’s crazy talk. @milorichard : no, that’s real talk.

Me: guess what’s in my pocket. @milorichard : a rotting carcass!

Me: “what do you want to do tomorrow?” @milorichard : “1-play video games. 2-be awesome.”

. @milorichard “this’ll make me feel better…” [forces pillow over my face]

“No, Papa, he’s right. You need water to survive.” - @milorichard

“Why would you dress up like a pony? That’s the dumbest thing in the world.” - @milorichard after having bronies explained to him.

“Papa, can you pause the fireworks?” - @milorichard

. @milorichard pretending to be a chicken: “I don’t want to be butchered! I don’t want to be butchered!”

“Watch my backwards jumping sports!” I may have failed @milorichard in sports learning.

Me: I’m going on another trip, buddy, so I won’t see you tomorrow. @milorichard : good. I love that. #trollgamestrong

Me: “Hey guys, what’re you talking about?” @milorichard and @felixerrichard : “You dying.” #uplifting

Welp. @milorichard just legitimately beat me in chess.

“When will you ever come home soon enough?” @milorichard after I miss bedtime reading for third day in a row. #papaoftheyear #gutted

Me: “ @milorichard , please be helpful.” @milorichard : “I am, I am the government.” Me: “…”

Eating dinner at handlebar while @milorichard and @felixerrichard talk about being here with @mistermudshark and @reedmorebooks .

“ @felixerrichard , do you see what happens when you try to stab someone?” - @milorichard #realtalk

“Why didn’t we do teamwork?!” - @milorichard half crying because @felixerrichard opened a door without him.

#RobotTurtles with @milorichard a bunch. Asked if he wanted to send @danshapiro thank you note. He said no bc: “it’s kinda too hard for …

“Good night, not nice father.” - @milorichard #kickingassatthisfatherhoodthing

Hey @dansinker ! Thanks for telling me about the moon earlier. It blew @milorichard ’s mind… Also, it was pretty.

Oh man… @milorichard just figured out how to ghost ride his scooter.

“Bye Papa. I’m escaping tomorrow, for real.” - @milorichard

“You know, you’re one of my best papas.” - @milorichard

Hanging out with @milorichard playing with legos listening to chumbawamba (singsong and a scrap) drinking coffee. Wonderful morning.

spent a good hour with @milorichard playing #robotturtles. Thanks @danshapiro !

“Let’s go to mama, @felixerrichard . Papa’s boring.” - @milorichard

“Boss of the world” … @milorichard has a new nickname for his tyrannical father.

“Dear Santa, some days I am good. Love @milorichard ” #saddestsantaletter #settingthebarlow