Kids

. @felixerrichard : would you rather have a comfy chair or help the cat not die? Me: help the cat F: yeah, that’s how I’d vote, too

. @felixerrichard wrote a song. A snippet: “This is my body, this is my head. I am a seahorse who loves the dead.” Um… Merry …

. @milorichard on being asked to wear snow pants to go to recess and refusing: “My body, my choice!”

. @felixerrichard after brunch: “oh, my tummy hurts from eating too much.”

“Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One sat down and turned on the TV.” <turns on tv> @felixerrichard is on a roll tonight.

“Let’s all list one thing we’re not thankful for.” - @felixerrichard

Just had a nice @tedleo dance party with @felixerrichard . Would be a good start to most mornings, tbh.

“ wcom . There. Nailed it!” - @felixerrichard I am winning at parenting.

. @felixerrichard : “Can I do sign language at the dinner table?” does jazzhands (Anyone know where a 4 year old can learn sign language?) …

“I accidentally hit him with a bat.” @milorichard , who may not fully appreciate the meaning of accidental.

“I’m hurt proof.” - @felixerrichard #whatcouldgowrong

. @felixerrichard , speaking to me: “YOU HAVE FAILED AGAIN!!!”

Me: I’m flying out tonight. @felixerrichard : I put a bomb in your suitcase. Me: Felix, that’s not funny. F: It is to the god of war!

. @milorichard “it’s basically” @felixerrichard “a battle!” M: “no, a short version of” F: “Mary …

“Go go gadget: be sad!” - @felixerrichard #dontcryemokid

Me: “Good night!” @felixerrichard : “We’ll see about that!”

Listening to @TheeRealFDHC with the family because @felixerrichard wanted to listen to a rockstar named felix.

Me: how are you going to go to sleep tonight? @felixerrichard : better than a dog falling into a monster’s mouth. so, i guess good?

Hard questions from @felixerrichard , dinner edition: “Why am I not God?”

welp. @milorichard wrote a story today about how to cook a tofurkey.

Me: that’s crazy talk. @milorichard : no, that’s real talk.

Me: guess what’s in my pocket. @milorichard : a rotting carcass!

“Can you tell us an old fashion story? Like about telephones?” - @felixerrichard

Me: “what do you want to do tomorrow?” @milorichard : “1-play video games. 2-be awesome.”

Turns out @felixerrichard is a big fan of early primus.

. @felixerrichard , while gorging himself on the @handlebarchi patio: “there’s nothing like food!”

. @felixerrichard “I want to be a fishmonger when I grow up.” ME: “A fishmonger?” FR: “I mean a fish. I want to be a …

. @milorichard “this’ll make me feel better…” [forces pillow over my face]

Me: “Which do you want, milk or water?” @felixerrichard : “Blood. Blood, please.” #wtf

“No, Papa, he’s right. You need water to survive.” - @milorichard

“If you don’t like water, you’ll have to be killed.” - @felixerrichard

“I can’t right now, because I’m dead. Sorry.” - @felixerrichard That boy knows how to shirk responsibility.

“Why would you dress up like a pony? That’s the dumbest thing in the world.” - @milorichard after having bronies explained to him.

“Is karate a dangerous game for babies?” - @felixerrichard

“Papa, can you pause the fireworks?” - @milorichard

. @milorichard pretending to be a chicken: “I don’t want to be butchered! I don’t want to be butchered!”

. @felixerrichard got his bangs cut and now he looks like yolandi.

“Watch my backwards jumping sports!” I may have failed @milorichard in sports learning.

. @felixerrichard after screaming like a banshee for me after being put to bed: “Papa, what do humpback whales look like?”

. @felixerrichard ’s idea for me this morning “next time, just don’t go to work.”

“I want to drink up your blood. Drink drink drink, then you die.” - @felixerrichard #ummmm #goodmorning