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Kids

Milo, Felix, and the chaos of parenthood.

311 posts

“hey, do y’all want to hear a story about reproduction?” - @felixerrichard before telling the dinner table about evolution
. @felixerrichard : “Alexa, play who let the dogs out.” Alexa: “Here’s some music you might like. Playing Lisa Loeb …
Me: can you stop pirouetting across the room? @milorichard : I’m not pirouetting, these are piqué turns. So… Ballet classes are working.
Me, to my punk-ass kiddo: “Punk. Punky. Punky Brewster.” @felixerrichard : “How dare you call me a honky rooster!?”
. @felixerrichard somehow misheard the misfits “hate breeders” as “pancreas”, and now it’s the weirdest song ever.
. @felixerrichard just told me he was serious. I replied, “Hi Serious, I’m Papa.” Thus continues my descent into unimaginative …
Me: look at how pretty the lake is! @felixerrichard : I like to look at the graves instead. Imagine there are zombies coming for our brains!
“look Papa, that car has the black panther symbol on it!” @felixerrichard pointing to a Penn State nittany lion sticker …
. @felixerrichard : “It’s one of my mind games..” Me: “Mind games?” @felixerrichard : “Yeah, I’ve got a …
Us: “let’s think of things that rhyme with ‘sun’!” @felixerrichard : “FUN! GUN! … MUFFIN!” …
Kids read a book of their choice for a few mins before bed. Tonight, @milorichard chose the US Constitution. #nottotallyfuckingupparenting
Tonight @milorichard told me about what he collects… Pokemon cards (ok), cool leafs (aww), teeth (wait, what?), bear claws (how in the..)
. @felixerrichard was bummed to find out that the ‘DINO-mite’ class he’s gonna take is about dinosaurs and not explosives.
Me: Felix, sit down at the dinner table. @felixerrichard : But Papa, I just want to dance! I am the tiny town in footloose.