2017

Whoever it was that gave my family the gift of the stomach flu for Christmas… You shouldn’t have.

My children being read Xmas books… When introduced to Scrooge they naturally assume that he’s a duck. #winningatparenting #DuckTales

Concourse E, the LGA of ORD.

People assume I’m a hipster because of my beard… Come on… I had a beard before it was cool.

So proud of this school. I am lucky to be a part of this community: dnainfo.com #dayofservice #dogood /cc @Chicago_Friends

. @felixerrichard just told me he was serious. I replied, “Hi Serious, I’m Papa.” Thus continues my descent into unimaginative …

Introduced The Goonies to my fam tonight. It is still awesome.

One of my favorite pastimes is sending notifications to the person sitting right next to me. /cc @tolar

. @felixerrichard just ran across a gym to kick a rubber cow in the face. Now it’s a party.

Little kids birthday parties are absolute pandemonium and joy. …and noise. A lot of noise.

Not guaranteed. twitter.com

got tickets for @deadmilkmen at @thetrocadero next month… 23 years and a few weeks since I last saw them there.

Huge thank you for the b-day wishes and to everyone who gave to @Chicago_Friends ( dylanr.com )! Love you all!

“just let the music consume you.” @felixerrichard explaining how to dance.

“Look at that beard!!! GET THAT SHIT OFF YO FACE!” -some guy on the street

It’s therapeutic listening to anthropology days by @deadmilkmen .

Having kids has apparently changed my taste for coffee where I now prefer it pretty much lukewarm.

Me: look at how pretty the lake is! @felixerrichard : I like to look at the graves instead. Imagine there are zombies coming for our brains!

this fugazi band is great.

should I fly to Philly for a day in October? signs point to yes. twitter.com

11:30 is far too late in the day for me to be having my first coffee.

. @felixerrichard : who would you rather die, me or @milorichard ? Me: neither FR: you should probably take taekwondo lessons then #goodadvice

“look Papa, that car has the black panther symbol on it!” @felixerrichard pointing to a Penn State nittany lion sticker …

I need to never leave home without headphones.

. @felixerrichard : “It’s one of my mind games..” Me: “Mind games?” @felixerrichard : “Yeah, I’ve got a …

RT @REALpunknews : Crass Release Box Set Directly Into Dumpster in Effort to Reach Core Fans thehardtimes.net

I need a service to remind me that it’s a bad idea whenever I book the red-eye with the whole family.

Us: “let’s think of things that rhyme with ‘sun’!” @felixerrichard : “FUN! GUN! … MUFFIN!” …

“What is that death smell?” @milorichard

“I know how to be a murderer.” @felixerrichard in singsong.

Training the kids to say, “wow, that’s a beautiful E30 m3.” #parenting

“I’m going to sleep like the woman god of death.” - @felixerrichard #Welp

RT @jewelia : A Sunday management lesson I’ve learned the hard way many times: It’s not what you say, it’s what the other person …

RT @6Gems : Listen. Everybody pattern matches. The sooner we all embrace this as fact the closer will be to adjusting our biases accordingly…

. @felixerrichard , looking at a Where’s Waldo book, loudly, in public: “Papa, I found Jesus!”

Kids read a book of their choice for a few mins before bed. Tonight, @milorichard chose the US Constitution. #nottotallyfuckingupparenting

You know what’s awesome? @handlebarchi is awesome.

in weeks my @googlenexus 5x went from the best phone ever to unusable. freezes and restarts randomly and often. frustrating.

“it’s so choice” is a perfectly reasonable way to compliment something, right?

I have lovely laser cut wood stuff from @dansinker . It is awesome. It smells like campfire which makes me happy. Now I want marshmallows.

One of the most frustrating things about having a big beard is trying to use a water fountain.

Tonight @milorichard told me about what he collects… Pokemon cards (ok), cool leafs (aww), teeth (wait, what?), bear claws (how in the..)

. @felixerrichard was bummed to find out that the ‘DINO-mite’ class he’s gonna take is about dinosaurs and not explosives.

Somebody wake me up when it’s safe to feel again.